Afternoon Headlines

Heath Shuler Redux? Hunky Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is out for the season. I wonder which one of his "friends" he's going to impregnate this time. (AFP)

Robotic Relief: But can you program it to give happy endings? (AP)

Seriously, Though: I think it's horrible that Khadijah Farmer got tossed from a restaurant in the Village because the owners thought she was a man using the women's room (she's suing them now). But what if I wore a dress to Elaine's and went into the men's room -- what would I expect to have happen? (NYP)

Roll the Dice: But isn't this just the type of guy you would want to be mayor of Atlantic City? (AP)

Captain of My Heart: If Chris Pine is the new Captain Kirk then I might be forced to see my first "Star Trek" anything. (HollywoodReporter)

Unhealthy Living Is His Prerogative: Bobby Brown suffered a mild heart attack. (AP)

Like High School Doesn't Suck Enough? A student opened fire inside a Cleveland high school today, shooting and wounding several people and creating moments of sheer terror for students, school officials and parents. He then apparently shot and killed himself. News media reported that the gunman may have been a 14-year-old student, and that he died after a brief manhunt by police inside the school, which is housed on several floors of an office building on Lakeside Avenue. (NYT)

Dear GOP: Even the fake Dear Abby supports gay marriage. (AP)

The Lexicon of 'Love': Larry Craig's "wide stance" is made official. (AP)

Ivy League Hate: A hangman’s noose was found hanging on the door of a black professor’s office at Columbia University Teachers College on Tuesday morning, prompting the police to start a hate-crime investigation. (Good call.) (NYT)

Hey, Neighbor: If you notice a cross-dressing mute carrying around a decapitated head in your hallway, Robert Durst might be your new neighbor. (NYP)