Page 1 News (04/19)

I Want My Mommy! Midair Rescue Lifts Passengers From Stranded East River Tram / A four-minute trip on the Roosevelt Island Tramway yesterday turned into a harrowing ordeal that lasted hours as a series of power failures left about 70 people suspended hundreds of feet in the air, forcing a daring late-night rescue over the East River. I used to have to ride this thing to get to my tennis league at the Roosevelt Island Racquet Club and it used to scare the crap out of me every time. I haven't played in a tennis league since. (NYT)

Wait Listed: The Sunday Times of London has produced its own guide to being a gay celebrity in 2006. It claims that the gay glitterati can be split into three camps, the “Business A lists”, the “Party A lists” and the “Hip A lists.” The To-Do List for each category involves having slept with Ivan Massow, Matthew Williamson and Terry Richardson's assistant. I'm assuming this is a lot funnier if your teeth are crooked and you don't go to the gym. (PinkNews)

Take a Powder: Although Penn State has determined that women's basketball coach Rene Portland discriminated against a player because she was thought to be a lesbian, Portland will still be kept on the payroll. Portland will, however, be required to pay a $10,000 fine and attend a Melissa Etheridge concert. (Advocate)

L. Ron Mother Hubbard: It’s a girl named Suri for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes / And the idiotic baby names continue. (BH)

The Happy Hooker: Colin Farrell & Ex-Playmate Settle Tale of the Sex Tape / Kudos to Nicole Narain for managing to have sex with the Irish hottie and getting paid for her services without technically being called a prostitute. (Bosh)