Page 1 News (04/18)

Living Large: This article about products and services geared to obese people made me wonder if the people peddling the goods were actually making fun of their customers. "People cannot just stop being fat," said Joan Borgos, who compiles a directory for overweight people that includes clothing catalogs, mortuary services, bridal shops (for gowns up to size 32), plus-size dating services, counseling services, seat belt extenders and lingerie. "People crumble when you give them even more pressure on top of a life that's already not working." Translation: might as well go eat a cake. (AP)

Pedro Delivers: Pedro Martinez became the seventh current major league pitcher with 200 victories, and New York Mets edged the Braves 4-3 Monday night in the first of 18 meetings this season between the NL East rivals. (AP)

I LOVE YOU, DEREK! Pentagon admits gay surveillance / This was fun back when I used to stalk gay guys but not with the feds involved. (PinkNews)

Weight and See: Common Genetic Link to Obesity Is Discovered / It's called the Fritos gene. (NYT)

Should've Known Better: Police Investigating George Michael's Alleged One-Vehicle Demolition Derby / This girl's a mess. (ChartAttack)

Blondie Ambition: Lindsay Lohan reportedly has a new role model as she seeks out advice on how to party and perform. The "Mean Girls" star reportedly has went straight to the source -- Debbie Harry. My Michael was sitting across from Deb at Don Giovanni's last night and even took two photos of her -- with her permission -- on his cell-phone camera. Unfortunately, he had a blond moment and forgot to save them ... (NL)