Page 1 Consider (03/01)

Make My Gay: A New York real estate agent, Sam Kelley, claims to have had a 10-year sporadic affair with Clint Eastwood's son Kyle, who has been married for 14 years. Apparently things got started with the old "it's late and I don't want to go home, but there's only one bed" trick (nice work, Mr. Kelley, I wholeheartedly approve of the use of this gay staple). "I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, and I got in bed, and Kyle was, how do I put this? happy! I was shocked," Kelley explained, "but I'm an openly gay man, I wasn't not going to do it." Of course not. Who doesn't like to be, happy? (PinkNews)

Driving Under the Influence of Fabulousness: The Phoenix district attorney is suing Arizona to stop having "ethnic drunken-driving courts." Huh? Is that anything like the Gay Traffic School I attended at the Ramada Inn on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood? "How many of you thought the cop who pulled you over was so hot that it was worth getting the ticket?!!!" (NYT)

Sour Apple: Apple Offers Hi-Fi System to Use iPod in the Home / Oh, great. Now I can have no music to listen to at home, too. (Reuters)

Cain and Abelville: A new study shows that sibling violence among children is a serious and pervasive problem that is typically downplayed or ignored by adults. Sounds like a bunch of candies to me. (NYT)

The Da Vinci Code Trial: Didn't care about the book, don't care about the trial. (AP)

Tranny Ed: The only thing that's going to confuse these schoolchildren is why a 71-year-old woman has bangs. (AP)