Page 1 Consider (02/15)

Stop Being Fabulous: Two Christian groups claiming they can help gays "recover from homosexuality" are planning an event in St. Louis later this month. Well, yeah. I'm the first to admit that short-term recovery is possible. You can always get fat, let your chest hair grow back in, let your teeth turn yellow and stop drinking Amstel Light for awhile, but a relapse is inevitable. You'd think Exodus could get their "success story" (right) to at least quit plucking his eyebrows long enough to pose for a headshot. (PinkNews)

Awww: Alabama authorities arrested Jason Watkins, 21, on charges of setting an abandoned church on fire but described him as a copycat who is not suspected in a spate of unsolved church burnings in the state. Police said Watkins is mentally handicapped and enjoyed seeing his firefighter brother rush to a fire. (Reuters)

Positively Retarded: Zachary Lewis is looking for a date with a "positive attitude." Josh Wolf would like to spend time with someone "polite and friendly." Zaheer Malik wants a girlfriend who is "not too serious and not too silly, but in between." All three are learning about dating and relationships as part of "You and I," a program for young adults who are retarded or autistic or have other mental disabilities. I don't even want to imagine the Speed Dating round. (AP)

Accidentally Ate Pork?: The actor Chris Penn's death ruled an accident caused by an enlarged heart and mix of medications. You say enlarged heart, I saw enlarged gut. (Reuters)

Stiff Sentence: 12 Arab men were sentenced to five years in the slammer for being 'mos. Would it have been 2 1/2 if they were bi? (GulfTimes)

Obese Male Model Needed: Needed for photo shoot. Must be comfortable posing in only underwear. (I'm not comfortable with any of this.) (CraigsList)