Page 1 Consider (01/13)

Horsing Around: Case dropped against student who called horse gay / It turns out the pony is actually bi. (Advocate)

There's No Crying in SCOTUS: Martha-Ann Alito sniffles and steps out of the hearing room after her husband, Samuel Alito, has been interrogated by Democrats. / Good lord: I'm guessing this freak cries when women don't choose life also. (Washington Post)

Maybe We Couldn't Handle the Truth: Frey, Oprah stand by controversial memoir / And anyway: It depends on what you mean by truth. (ABC News)

Grounded: 7-Year-Old Caught Driving Parents' Pickup / His parents took his car keys away for a week because he was only allowed to drive the Bonneville. (AP)

Try, Try Again: Man who shot at Pope John Paul freed / Let's hope he's got better aim with this new dickhead. (Reuters)

Hot for Fatties: A New survey says that more Americans are saying they do not find overweight people less attractive than thinner people / Um. Why wasn't I consulted about this poll? (AP)

For Pete's Sake: It turns out that misguided film critic Gene Shalit has a gay son, but with that mustache, how could he not? (Advocate)