Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Eyes Like Twins

Is it just me, or does everybody get told by strangers that they "look just like" someone all the time? (Please leave a comment as I'm really curious to know. It's one thing to be Christine Taylor and have to live with the Marcia Brady thing your whole life, but me?) Sometimes it's wonderfully flattering (and frequently overgenerous) and other times it's ... well, really not. Sadly, as the years pass the quality of the person you're compared to seems to decrease measurably (go figure). Let me explain: When I first moved to Los Angeles some 18 years ago a movie starring a bunch of nobody young men called "Dead Poets Society" had just come out and for about two years everywhere I would go people would stop me and ask me if I was "that kid" in it.

Impossible as it is to fathom now, would you believe at the time I was kind of crushed that "that kid" they were referring to was Ethan Hawke rather than Robert Sean Leonard, whom I found way hotter? (I know.) I must admit I worked that mistaken identity hard (those parties on Curson ...) through the "Mystery Date" look, but by the mid-'90s that had all but dried up. (Please don't make me mention the Cameron from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" comparisons ... God help me!) Then in the late '90s and early '00s I started to get Ben Affleck quite a bit (mostly from straight men), which I ate up despite the fact that I knew deep down it was my then-goatee that was getting all the attention.

It was around the time I hit my mid-'30s that things started to get really out of hand.

I'll never forget it. I was sitting at the Howard Johnson's in Times Square with my visiting brother (Terence) and sister (Jennifer) in the summer of 2001 when the waiter approached our table and told us how John Travolta had just been in there. We all smiled and then he looked directly at me and said, "Speaking of movie stars, you know who you look just like?" Flush with pride in front of my siblings and expecting one of the flattering comparisons I'd gotten over the years (while secretly praying for JUST ONE James Van Der Beek -- shouldn't our mutual HUGE FOREHEADS garner at least one in my lifetime?), I leaned back and said, "Who?" "Denis Leary," he replied. My sister immediately pointed and laughed at me ("HAAAAA!!!!") while Terence covered his mouth to hide his laughter and I turned bright red with utter embarrassment.

Now granted, many people have since told me that they think Leary's "handsome." But a gruff, chain-smoking actor 10 years my senior was hardly a comparison I was ready to deal with!

Things have been relatively quiet since then with the occasional Janko Tipsarevic (or this or this or this). So when one of the South American coaches at tennis camp last month kept staring at me I wasn't sure if he was admiring my wicked slice backhand, or if he was just concerned that I might pass out. (I have a tendency to turn REALLY red when I play.) Turns out it was neither.

When we both finally wound up in the same rest area at the same time, he turned to me and said, "You know who you look just like?" All too familiar with the drill I paused and said, "No, who?" "Andres Nocioni of the Chicago Bulls," he replied proudly. When no one in the vicinity -- myself included -- recognized the name, he explained that Nocioni is an Argentine player on the team. Now despite my newly acquired third-degree sun burn tan, I was still somewhat perplexed until he told me that Nocioni has "the light hair and the blue eyes, just like you." Although I still don't really see it, I'm willing to cut him some slack: First of all, Nocioni is a good dozen years younger than I am. Secondly, as a foreigner he probably thinks all Americans look alike. But most importantly, at least he didn't say I look like Denis Leary ...

Bulls forward Andres Nocioni is the lovechild of actors Matthew McConaughey and Shaggy

Related: You may recall that MyHeritage.com gave me three suggestions that ran the gamut of emotions, from Warren Beatty to Ben Stiller to Tom Green!!!

12 comments:

Steve said...

I don't see the Dennis Leary one myself, but Ethan Hawke and the Bulls player are pretty spot on. ;) Either way, you look fine all on your own.

Anonymous said...

You were way cuter than Ethan Hawke. No contest. He has those freaky teeth, and he always seems to need a good bath a maybe a flea-dip.

People often ask Darren and me if brothers--or even twins! So lame. I told Darren that next time we're asked that question, we should say "Yes we are!" and then start kissing.

Well, whoever you look like (and I don't see Denis Leary at ALL), you're aging in a most appealing fashion.

Richard Wall said...

When are we going to get some racy fleshy photos of you, babycakes?

Marc Lallanilla said...

A "Xerox face" is what I'm told it's called, and I've gotten lots of comparisons,starting in the 70s: Robby Benson, Eric Roberts, Dan Fogelberg, Kenny Loggins, a few others.
p.s. I can totally see your Shaggy comparison.

David Schneider said...

I used to get all the time "You look like someone I went to high school with". Then I got Michael J. Fox, particularly when I wore a suit. Later when I put on weight, it was Nathan Lane. I've lost weight and gone grayer with longish hair, now I get Harrison Ford.

I think I look like a generic white male from America like you Ken, so there is tons of overlap with people (famous or not).

Danny in WeHo said...

I used to get John Leguisamo and Billy Crystal! So if John & Billy had a kid... I guess that'd be me!

I think you're the facial child of Deborah Gibson and one of those Bad News Bears kids... Tanner, I think he was...

Steve Reed said...

Actually, I almost never get that comment myself. Which is probably just as well, because it would lead nowhere good.

Anonymous said...

I got Niles Crane ala "Frasier" during the sitcom's run. I feared the resemblance was more of my high maintenance issues. But after scoring an "after the doors close" upgrade on Delta, the flight attendant let it slip she really thought I was David Hyde Pierce. At least she didn't send me back to coach.

And, Robert Sean Leonard is way hotter than Ethan Hawke and looked exceptionally delicious in "The last days of disco."

James Greenlee said...

Take heart, Kenneth! I've gotten Kyle McLaughlin (which was great), Matthew Perry (which was OK, and true at the time), Conan O'Brien (ooookay), and DREW CAREY. 'Cause you know, all of those people look so much alike!

Anonymous said...

I used to get lots and lots of these - everyone from Sting to Oliver North. Now mostly I get the guy from the Verizon ads. Can you hear me now?

Mikey said...

It hasn't happened in the past three or four years, but from ages 15 to 25 every new person I'd meet told me I looked JUST like Matthew Broderick. High school buddies, college professors, co-workers. I've also gotten the odd John Cryer (as Duckie) and one person maintained I looked like Bob Denver in the old Dobey Gillis show (thankfully not in Gilligan's Island). Not once have I gotten Freddy Rodriguez (which would be understandable), even though we share ethnicity, stature, complexion and hair color. But I guess it has more to do with mannerisms and nuances, rather than such superficial characteristics like race and skin color. ;)

nudegayguy said...

whole bunch of cute guys there. i would love to get to at least shake your hand myself.