Page 1 Consider (03/13)

Three's a Crowd: Roger Federer's girlfriend, Mirka Vavrinec, finally has an excuse for being fat. (AP)

Mad TV: I have just one word to say about Jon Stewart's ass-reaming of Jim Cramer. Wow! (Wonkette)

Super Theft: Bernie Madoff may have stolen the life savings of Carmen Dell Orifice -- aka the world's first supermodel. But it wasn't the first time the beauty was looted. Janice Dickinson appropriated the woman's title years before. (RightPundits)

Snoopy's Pet: Lucy van Pelt is just as mean to animal researchers as she is to Charlie Brown. (AP)

What About Kimmie? Anna Nicole Smith's boyfriend Howard K. Stern and one of her doctors have posted bail after surrendering in Los Angeles on charges they gave the former Playboy playmate drugs before her fatal overdose in 2007. I love me some Jerry Brown, but this just sounds like showboating to me. (AP)

Wall of Silence: I didn't even know the proceedings had even begun, but Phil Spector's defense lawyer rested his case Thursday in the music producer's murder retrial involving the shooting death of actress Lana Clarkson. I think Spector is a musical genius, but for the love of god these idiot L.A. jurors had better convict this guy. It's just not right that he's walking free after blowing this poor woman's brains out. (AP)

I Love You, Man: What guy wouldn't want Paul Rudd's penis in his face? (LARagMag)

Do the Right Thing: Just seven weeks into office, President Obama is being forced to confront one of the most sensitive social and political issues of the day: whether the government must provide health insurance benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. So far our fine new prez has only let me down once (remember this?). But this is first opportunity we've had to see whether he was sincere about all of his LGBT campaign promises. (NYT)

Militant Discrimination: Speaking of which, the Army fired 11 more soldiers under the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in January. Won't you do something about this morally wrong policy, Mr. President? (AP)

Powertool 3? In less than four hours, a jury of eight men and four women found 27-year-old Harlow Cuadra guilty of first degree murder in the slaying of gay porn producer Bryan Kocis in 2007. (365Gay)

New Rules: Forget the four-day school week. What about the four-day work week? (AP)

No Kids Allowed: Gethin Jones has major Attitude. (Towleroad)

Crab Lovers Unite: Maryland lawmakers have taken up a same-sex marriage bill. (365Gay)