Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Train Pigs Three-Course Meal

Here's hoping he's too chicken to do this again

As much as I'd love to claim that I'm the genius behind the blog Train Pigs -- "Exposing subway eaters. One mouthful at a time." -- I'm really not. (The "How to Capture and Expose Your Pig" tab really has people suspicious.) For those who don't live in New York City, eating on the train may not seem like such a violation, but when you're trapped in a small space with hundreds of people and someone has oil and vinegar on their salad, or fried anything, the stench can be overwhelming, not to mention how loud they can be (smackers love subways) and the rats their messes attract. Posting these three pigtastic videos probably isn't going to bolster my claim of innocence much -- the Doughnut Pig uses the glaze-covered napkin to wipe off her face! -- but I swear they're from "a friend." (The true owner of transpigs.com is hopelessly tech unsavvy and doesn't seem to know how to upload them on the site, so I consider this an act of public service.) As great as the videos are, it's my friend Christopher's captions that always leave me hungry for more. And if you think he and the blogger behind it all are being a bit harsh, here's an idea: Don't eat on the fucking subway!

Visit all the Train Pigs HERE.



"Do not fuck with this chick. She is very serious about her cruller, not caring at all where her flakes of dried corn syrup fall. Watch her gear up for the mondo last bite at :30, when she inhales half her beasty feast in one giant chomp -- then immediately inserts her sugar-coated finger in her ear! But like they tell the kids these days, IT GETS BETTER. The dainty napkin also doubles as a sweat rag, and she does some impressive chugging of nuclear-red soda. Ah, breakfast of champions at her kitchen table on the 1 train."



"Mama needed her roughage on the downtown C, so she unleashed a surprisingly noisy salad. I hadn't planned on filming her for quite so long, because I really only wanted to see her stuff the giant artichoke heart in her maw, which she saved until almost the last bite. Dessert! Note the smooth mouth-wiping technique at :51 and 1:21. Who needs napkins when your greasy fingers will do?"



"Girlie and her friend were loving themselves sick with the Wendy's fries, making a big greasy stink in the E train. She really went to town licking up every last bit of salt and lard off her little hooves."

6 comments:

Brian said...

The Doughnut Pig video didn't raise my temperature at all until she didn't even look behind her to see if she should move away from the fucking subway doors at the fucking platform.

Kenneth Walsh said...

@Brian: THAT really irked me, too!!!!

Anonymous said...

Because, you know, everyone has the privilege of leisure time to sit down at a restaurant or a table to eat, like they don't have a place to be... This made-up rage is better placed elsewhere ya'll, leave these people alone. You don't have to pick up their mess, and it's only a short ride on the subway, not your housemate.

CS said...

Kenneth: That anonymous commenter is someone with barbecue sauce on their chin.

Kalisa said...

I'm not OCD, but there is no way I can watch a video of someone LICKING THEIR FINGERS ON THE SUBWAY.

Jojjo said...

Kalise I can only agree with you!!! Even though when it comes to germs and subways I might be have just a tiny bit OCD...

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