Page 1 Consider (04/03)

No Picnic: So now it's a crime to fuck your own patio furniture? (NBC12)

Drag Race: Five men dressed in women’s clothes came out of a car on 30th St. and Eighth Ave. and stabbed and robbed a victim, 21, just after he left Club Vesta, 390 Eighth Ave., at 4:15 a.m. Fri., March 22. The robbers snatched a gold chair from the victim’s neck and then sped off, police said. (PoliceBlotter)

Dethroned: Kudos to Mariah Carey and Madonna for breaking two of Elvis' all-time chart records. Mariah's "Touch My Body" gives her her 18th No. 1 single to the King's 17. And Madonna's "4 Seconds" surges into the No. 4 spot in its second week giving the belle of Bay City her 37th Top 10 hit (Elvis had 36). Now we just wait to see whose album will sell more ... In other chart news, the B-52's extra fun comeback album, "Funplex," debuts at No. 11 this week, making it their second-highest charting album ever. (Not bad after a 16-year layoff!) (HollywoodReporter)

From the Good Folks Who Brought Us Timothy McVeigh: More than 1000 people demonstrated at the Oklahoma Capitol on Wednesday in support of state Rep. Sally Kern and her recent remarks that gays are more dangerous than terrorists. (Towleroad)

I'm a Renter for Life: While most of the nation plods through a housing slowdown, Manhattan is experiencing its highest prices in history. The average price of a Manhattan apartment in the first three months of this year was $1.7 million, up 33.5 percent from the same period last year, according to the real estate appraisal firm Miller Samuel Inc. (NYT)

Clairol Baby Blond: The Times observes that hair treatments like full-color dye plus highlights were once reserved for women with salaries and mortgages but are now increasingly the norm for pre-pubescent girls. Yeah, thanks for finally getting around to writing about my life in 1984. (NYT)

Sweet Charity: Roger Clemens' former trainer turned accuser, Brian McNamee, is using the controversy for a good cause: he's selling all of his memorabilia from his time with the steroid-using pitcher on an online auction and giving the proceeds to a juvenile diabetes charity. (AP)

The Trojan Horse Ate My Homework: A computer malfunction wiped out a month's worth of grades at three high schools and one middle school in Indiana, giving struggling students a second chance but dismaying others. (AP)

Dumb Polacks: Poland's upper house has approved the European Union's proposed charter of rights, but with a provision that could allow the country to ignore EU guarantees of equal rights for gays and lesbians. (365Gay)