Remains of the Day (03/13)

Dlisted: Pregnant Amy Schumer says she and Lena Dunham bonded over everyone hating them

Sun-Sentinel: Trans teen Jazz Jennings celebrates her gender-confirmation surgery, contemplates her relationship status

Instagram: You don't have to be Catholic to observe this Ass Wednesday

Back2Stonewall: DNC responds to Trump's 22% cut in AIDS funding

NewNowNext: Grace Jones will headline NYC Pride

TPM: Government's top landlord refuses to answer questions on Trump's meddling in FBI building's plans

The Randy Report: Reddit asks straight guys to share "gayest thing" they've ever done ... whatever that means

Washington Post: Advertisers ditch Carlson and Pirro’s Fox News shows; protesters urge other companies to join them

The Daily News: Luke Perry was laid to rest in Tennessee, death certificate confirms

New York Post: CEO’s daughter "gloated" about cheating on SATs in college scam: prosecutors

Mother Jones: Most American adoptees cannot access their birth certificates, but that could change soon

The Wow Report: "Simpsons" producer thinks 1991 Michael Jackson episode was used by the singer to groom young boys

Towleroad: College-admission scandal grew out of system that was ripe for corruption

Baseline: WTA takes fans behind the scenes of its annual photoshoot

Instagram: French tennis hunk Benoit Paire got more ink

The Hill: GOP Senate votes to confirm appeals court nominee Neomi Rao, who thinks women should avoid alcohol if they don't want to get sexually assaulted

Gr8er Days: Soap star Jed Allan dies at 84

OMG Blog: 1960s Mexican hunk in Speedo, and out of one

Hot Cat of the Day: Our March centerfold's turnons include bottle caps, long walks to the refrigerator, twist-ties and belly rubs!

On the Rag, Vol. 457

A weekly look at what's making news in the gay mags:

QX (London): Meet Dave the Bear 

Winq (U.K.): HIV life expectancy goes up by ten years thanks to drug advancements

DNA (Australia): I only follow Gregory Nalbone on Instagram for his kitties 

Metro Weekly (D.C.): After years as the publisher at the City Paper, Amy Austin took on a new role in life: Supporting the city's incredible theater community

Gay Times (U.K.): "Hollyoaks" hunks Adam and Malique show off their muscles in Ibiza

Get Out!: Recording artist and actor Lovari revisits the sounds of the early ‘90s R&B/pop realm with his new album "The Rhythm of Life"

Outlook Ohio: LGBT sports movement faces growing pains

The Gay U.K.: "When Harry Met Barry" hits the stage in London

Attractive Men: Trend hairstyles for men in 2017

Attitude (U.K.): Ben Whishaw and Alan Cumming lead cast of new BBC series "Queers"

Edge (Boston): Take a ride on Netflix's queer sci-fi thrill ride

HIV Plus: Activist Hopes to Launch a Wave of HIV Literature

The Fight: The White Party celebrates 28 years

Passport: Gay weddings and honeymoons at your service

Q Salt Lake: "Snatched" co-stars talk longtime LGBT support and how "love knows no gender"

Lavender (Twin Cities): Are you ready for summer outdoor living?

Têtu (France):  Tom and Lance in gay Paris

MetroSource: The Hills Are Alive With the Sounds of Salzburg

Who 'Snatched' Amy Schumer's Sense of Humor?

I'm a lifelong Goldie Hawn fan so will probably try to see "Snatched," which stars on the cover of this week's Entertainment Weekly. But as much as I respect what Amy Schumer has done with her career, I must confess her recent Netflix special left a bad taste in my mouth. It felt like she was so sure she could wing it that she wrote no jokes, and her rehashed stories about being a "drunk girl of a certain weight" didn't mesh with her contemporary "I'm so famous I get followed everywhere I go" and "I have the best boyfriend in the world" schtick. Can't imagine her film career will last too much longer -- she can only play one character, her (old) self -- so here's hoping she gets her stand-up routine back in order. She's smart and has interesting things to say when she's not making fun of how fat and slutty she "is" then getting all thin-skinned when others try to riff off her image. (Her occasional lack of self-awareness is surprising to me.) Too bad she no longer wants to do sketch comedy as I think that was her true calling.

WATCH: Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn Get 'Liam Neeson-Taken' in 'Snatched'

Amy Schumer can obviously only play one character. And Goldie Hawn's face now looks like the punchline from "The First Wives Club." But their mother-daughter comedy still looks like the must-see film of 2017! Trailer HERE.

Madonna Tops Amy Schumer

Yahoo reports about the fun dom-sub situation:

On Tuesday, Amy Schumer performed at Madison Square Garden and the surprise opener was none other than Madonna. (It was a thank you to Schumer for opening for Madonna during three Rebel Heart tour dates in NYC in 2015.) The Material Girl took the stage to introduce the “insanely funny” “genius of comedy” Schumer. It involved some racy stumping for Hillary Clinton. The power blondes then danced together onstage (with a little grinding) to kick off the comedy show. 

Behind the scenes, things were even more fun apparently. The funny gal and “f***ing Madonna,” as Schumer called her, hung out with her friends. We’re sure not just anyone could get “f***ing Madonna” to do a human pyramid, but Schumer did and it was incredible. 

Madonna (with those buff arms) was on top of the lady tower. She appeared to be cracking up. Schumer was on the bottom row, looking a little nervous that she may injure her Madgesty. 

The human pyramid is apparently Schumer’s go-to move when she’s bonding with a new pal. Well, the famous ones anyway. We’ll never forget the one she did with Jennifer Lawrence in July 2015. What great form! Again, Schumer served as anchor and she let her friend shine in the top spot. 

After the show, Madonna posted a photo with Schumer, writing, “Love and Respect this woman so much!! Thanks for letting me get on your stage! It was AWESOME!!” She also posted a photo of her onstage, captioning it, “So much fun opening up for amyschumer at Madison Square Garden tonight!! It was short but it was sweet (like me). I’m forever changed! Love you Amy.”

Fun Couples: Goldie Hawn and Marilyn

I don't know which thing I'm more excited about -- Marilyn's comeback or Goldie Hawn playing Amy Schumer's mom in a new film! The blond bombshells were both guests on "Loose Women" today, along with Boy George, who was instrumental in the "Calling Your Name" singer's second chance.

P.S.

Listen to Maz's comeback single, "Love or Money," HERE.

Amy Schumer Met Boyfriend on Raya Dating App

People magazine has a few nuggets from Amy Schumer's upcoming memoir, "The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo":

Her mom, a teacher of the deaf, left her dad for Amy's best friend's dad, breaking the news to Amy in sign language(!).

She was in an abusive relationship with a guy who pulled a butcher knife on her ("That's when I was sure he was going to kill me.").

She lost her virginity at 17 to a boyfriend who penetrated her while she was half asleep. (He later apologized and she comforted him, telling him everything would be OK.)

While hanging out with friend – and "Trainwreck" costar – SNL cast member Vanessa Bayer, Schumer says, "Vanessa said she'd heard of a dating app for your phone specifically aimed at creative people." After searching for possible dates, she "liked" a few men before matching with one guy: Ben Hanisch. He wasn't an actor or photographer, as many of the men on the app were, and he didn't live in N.Y.C. or L.A., but in Chicago. "We sent each other very simple hellos and short, funny messages." A few weeks later, the two met for the first time. With oily hair following an acupuncture appointment, wearing jeans, she walked out into the rain and saw Ben, who had no umbrella but was holding a soaked paper bag with a bottle of wine. "We smiled at each other and in that moment, everything felt right," she writes.

Order "The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo" HERE.

What's Tig Notaro's Beef With Amy Schumer?

Well, add this to the list of depressing things from the past couple days. You know how we're always told the world always tries to pit women against each other? It turns out Amy Schumer and Tig Notaro -- comedians I adore and whom I'd hitherto thought adored each other -- seem to be on the outs. Only something tells me Amy doesn't even know about it.

In an interview with The Guardian, Notaro seems to be unusually thin-skinned and looking to be offended:

I tell her I was struck by something Amy Schumer once said to Vanity Fair about Notaro: “Looking masculine and being gay, the challenges of the road are 20 times harder for Tig than other female comedians. People fear what they don’t understand.” Has she found that to be true?

Anger sparks in Notaro’s normally calm eyes. “I don’t know what she was talking about. It sounds like offensive nonsense to me. I find that so offensive and weird,” she says, looking down, trying to control her very audible irritation. “If you knew me well, you would never say that.”

I thought the two of you were friends, I say, surprised. Schumer has spoken in the past about taking care of her “great friend Tig”.

“Ummm…” Notaro says, looking away. Did you just work with her? The atmosphere, previously relaxed, has palpably prickled.

“I’ve worked with her. I worked with her for the first season [of Inside Amy Schumer],” she replies curtly. Ironically, the episode in which Notaro appeared was about Schumer exaggerating their friendship and using Notaro’s cancer to look good in front of other people.

“Let’s leave it there,” Notaro says, closing down the subject.

Kinda sad. I liked the idea of them being best friends but wanting nothing to do with me! Still looking forward to the full season of Tig's show on Amazon. "Inside Amy Schumer" has been pretty damn good this time around.

Magazine Rack

Here's what you're missing by not subscribing to magazines anymore:

Men's Journal writes that Kyle Chandler is having the "last laugh."

His Netflix series, "Bloodline," returns for a second season on May 27.

Vanity Fair asks if Amy Schumer can really keep her edge now that she's rich, famous and in love. Read HERE.(Her Comedy Central show hasn't lost its edge.)

Town & Country coverman Matt Damon is fighting for clean water around the world. Read HERE.

Rolling Stone uses a familiar photo to say goodbye to Prince, who died in an all-too-familiar way.  Read HERE.

Amy Schumer's 'The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo' Cover Revealed

Order HERE.

I'm in awe of Amy Schumer for reneging on her $1 million book deal when she realized she is now way more famous than when she signed it and then negotionating for $9 million more.

According to her website, the book will feature "personal and observational stories from Schumer that range from the raunchy to the romantic, the heartfelt to the harrowing.” The comedian said: "Believe it or not, there’s actually more I have to say."

"Amy Schumer is not an entertainer who can actually write," Gallery Books publisher Jennifer Bergstrom said in a statement. "She’s a writer, who also happens to entertain."

"The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo" will be released in August.

Can't wait -- and way to land such a hot piece of ass!

Joke Whore -- UPDATE

'I get it. Cause I'm a whore?' Amy Schumer calls out 17-year-old film critic who tweeted sexist joke after posing with her for a selfie at Critics' Choice Awards 

Schumer, 34, got into a Twitter war with Jackson Murphy, better known as Lights Camera Jackson 

Yeah, kid. How DARE you make a joke that is obviously a riff off her entire shtick? (Sigh.) To her credit, she "forgave" him and moved on, which is more than I can say for the Fake Controversy Police. (Save your outrage for people who really need it, folks.)

UPDATE: I love Amy and don't want to see the world gang up on her now that she's gotten to the next level of success. (There's a lot of overlap in stand-up.) I'm a HUGE fan of Wendy Liebman, btw:

Meet Amy Schumer's Hot Piece of Ass

Amy Schumer seems to be pulling a Carrie Bradshaw, dating a hunky furniture designer from Chicago named Ben Hanisch -- only this one doesn't need to drop a few or get a haircut. Is this REALLY what straight guys look like now or did she meet this one on Scruff?

Of course, HER COMEDIAN EX wasn't too shabby, either.

Calendar Girls

I'm late on this, but what did you think of Annie Leibovitz's choices for the 2016 Pirelli calendar? 

 It sounds like poor Carrie Fisher could have used the call more, after being asked to lose more than 35 pounds for "The Force Awakens." (Guess how she did it? She ate less and moved more!)

Elle Has 'Women in Hollywood' Covered

The annual Elle Women in Hollywood issue has arrived, and it features some of the biggest names in the business, including Amy Schumer, Carey Mulligan, Dakota Johnson, Kate Winslet, "Selma" director Ava DuVernay, Salma Hayek and the great Gena Rowlands, who is definitely my favorite!

Amy Schumer Justifies Her Love for Madonna

Loving these Madonna-sinpired shots of Amy Schumer in Empire. 

And a gif to unwrap ...