Snubbed and Soused: 'Bette Davis Ain’t for Sissies'

 

I caught "Bette Davis Ain't for Sissies" -- Jessica Sherr's acclaimed one-woman show -- at the Triad on Saturday with my friend Lynn and came away thoroughly charmed. 

The lights come up and it's February 29, 1940 -- the night of the 12th Academy Awards -- and Bette has just arrived home seething after learning that she will not win for her tour de force performance in "Dark Victory" when the Los Angeles Times evening edition leaks the winners early. This actual pre-Price Waterhouse moment(!) provides playwright/performer Sherr with the perfect setup for an evening of drunken reflections and recriminations from Hollywood's most gifted -- and self-admiring -- diva, and she makes the most of the opportunity. 

Pondering her life and career -- which for Davis were one and the same -- as she fields a series of phone calls from her mother, publicist, agent and friends who want to know where she's disappeared to, Sherr is able to delve into Davis's relationship with her momager; four marriages, notably the accidental death of hubby No. 2 Arthur Farnsworth; tumultuous dealings with Jack Warner, including her legal battle that paved the way for the end of the studio system; her close friendship with Olivia de Havilland; several abortions (some to save her career, others for her man's pride); the Joan Crawford "feud" and more.

In a revealing Q&A after the show, Sherr said that she only took an interest in Davis after being stopped on the street and told how much she resembled her -- as a "funny redhead" she always leaned into Lucille Ball. (She definitely does, although I saw Julianne Moore and Molly Shannon at times as well.) 

While I'm certainly no Tired Old Queen at the Movies, it was eye-opening to realize that anyone younger than about my age who isn't making an effort probably doesn't even know who Davis is, some 40-plus years since Kim Carnes reminded the world about the Hollywood legend. 

When Sherr earnestly recommended to the audience that we read Davis's Wikipedia page, which is where she learned all about Eve's legendary target, I was at first a little mortified: Not by devouring an acclaimed biography like Ed Sikov's "Dark Victory" or Charlotte Chandler's "The Girl Who Walked Home Alone"? Or by binging her classic films? But then I got over myself and realized how people learn about things has changed -- see also: Kate Bush and "Stranger Things" and Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" and Nathan Apodaca's skateboarding video -- and what's important is that she took an interest and made something of it. 

Sherr has apparently performed this show more than 400 times around the world -- most famously at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival -- and already has dates for 2026 posted on her website HERE.

Whether you're a superfan or just Old Hollywood curious, I can't recommend "Bette Davis Ain't for Sissies" enough. 

'Jane' Heirs

With the gays in a frenzy over "Feud" -- my best friend said he can't watch it because Susan Sarandon is so bad -- Boy Culture decided to answer the question: What ever happened to the kids from "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?"? Read HERE.

Bette and Joan: A 'Feud' of Biblical Proportions

"Feud: Bette and Joan" premieres Sunday, March 5 at 10 p.m. on FX.

Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon star in an imagination of what really happened on the set of "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" -- aka the latest reminder that they don't make Hollywood stars like they used to. 

"Feud: Bette and Joan" is the first installment of the new FX anthology series from Ryan Murphy, tells the story of the legendary rivalry between Joan Crawford (Jessica Lange) and Bette Davis (Susan Sarandon) during their collaboration on the Academy Award-nominated thriller "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?," and well after the cameras stopped rolling. The series explores how the two women endured ageism, sexism, and misogyny while struggling to hang on to success and fame in the twilight of their careers.

Susan Sarandon and Jessica Lange Channel Bette Davis and Joan Crawford

I will forever hate Susan Sarandon for her stance on Hillary Clinton. But this photo does kind of soften the blow! Seen HERE.

'Cocktails & Classics' Serves Up 'Mommie Dearest' Tonight on Logo

Be sure to tune in to Logo's "Cocktails & Classics" tonight at 8:30 ET for an uproarious screening of the child-rearing classic "Mommie Dearest." Host Michael Urie and panelists Michael Musto, Drew Droege, DJ Pierce (Shangela) and Justin Vivian "I'm so special I need my own pronoun" Bond are joined by the one and only Rutanya Alda -- who played Joan's trusty assistant Carol Ann lived to tell about it in a juicy memoir -- to dish about the film between segments.

Last Sunday, I was thrilled to be asked by Musto to attend a party and screening at Kimpton's Eventi hotel to celebrate the "Mommie" episode of "Cocktails & Classics," and learned a few interesting details that I'd be surprised if they didn't come up on the actual show. Alda, whose "Mommie Dearest Diaries" didn't come out until 30 years after the film debuted, claimed she had NO IDEA people would be interested in the making of the film, to which I indignantly asked: "How did you go 30 years NOT knowing this?" (Alda says Dunaway recently asked her for help with her own "Mommie" memoir ... for free. She told Faye to just buy her book instead -- snap!) We also learned that while Alda was aged appropriately for the role by her makeup artist, Faye Dunaway must have put the brakes on Father Time, showing up to the set looking exactly the same as she did during scenes from decades before! In person, however, we learned Alda's makeup artist was partially to blame for completely missing the boat on how she would age -- the woman still looks incredible 30-some real years later! (Video of chat HERE.)

While the audience all agreed "Mommie Dearest" is a cult classic for the ages, it was also unanimous that people believe Christina Crawford, whom many thought grossly exaggerated or flat-out lied about her childhood when her memoir came out in 1978. It didn't take long before some attendees started to recall that Bette Davis' daughter tried to capitalize on the book's success by writing her own tell-all a few years later, "My Mother's Keeper." The crux of her abuse is best encapsulated in this scene -- that I have since referred to as "The Macaroni and Cheese Incident" -- that makes being beaten with a wire hanger seem like a day on your backyard merry-go-round.

B.D. Hyman writes:

Watching Mother work was more tiring by far than doing the work oneself, particularly if it happened to be cooking. When Mother cooked in her own house, one didn't see the production she made out of the simplest things (largely because no on was ever allowed in her kitchen), but now she was in my kitchen, and pure nervousness forced me to watch her every move. Rather than try to describe her technique in general terms, I'll detail in full her preparation of lunch on the first day.

Stouffer's frozen Macaroni and Cheese -- the directions on the box read "Place in oven, uncovered and still frozen, for 35 minutes at 375 degrees and serve." Here are Mother's directions, based on the way she did it that morning:

Cover a counter with several layers of paper towels and place frozen casseroles thereon; remove covers and allow to thaw. 

Cover another counter with several layers of paper towels, slice a large tomato and leave slices on towels. 

Sit on stool, smoke nervously and sip from drink hidden behind flour canister while you watch casserole thaw. WARNING -- do no take eyes off casseroles or they will fail to thaw properly. 

When casseroles are fully thawed, get large casserole dish and tip thawed casseroles into it. Thoroughly mush around with forefinger until satisfied. 

Sprinkle with bread crumbs and arrange tomato slices around edge. 

Hold lengthy debate with interested parties as to exact time dish is to be served.

WARNING -- Macaroni and cheese is very tricky and must be done just right. 

Preheat over for 45 minutes at 375 degrees, meanwhile moving casserole dish around counter and to different counters to facilitate blending. 

Place casserole dish in over for 35 minutes. Announce lunch loudly and serve, chewing bottom lip in concentration.

Fidget until praised for efforts, then remind diners that macaroni and cheese is tricky and requires some little work.

So it went for three days. I did the cleaning, with some help from Ashely, now eight, since Mother never had time to leave the kitchen. 

How this poor woman even lived to tell of this harrowing event is anyone's guess, but I'm certain the book was never made into a major film because no producer in Hollywood would have dared to sully a film legend like Bette Davis' reputation with such horror!

The Little Boxes

I'm only buying this if it comes with a Stouffers Macaroni & Cheese.

Tired Old Queen at the Movies: 'The Letter' (1940)

Sticking with his Oscar theme, this week Steve Hayes tells us about the performance he says should have won, but didn't -- Bette Davis in "The Letter." Steve says: Davis lost to Ginger Rodgers in "Kitty Foyle" (what the?). It's sort like when Judi Dench in "Mrs. Brown" lost to Helen Hunt in "As Good as It Gets."

THE LETTER (1940): Director William Wyler sits on her mannerisms and squeezes out of Bette Davis what may be the ultimate depiction of sexual repression gone haywire. Set in the jungles of Malaysia with a thundering score by Max Steiner and strong support by James Stephenson as her lawyer and sinister Gale Sondergaard as the wife of the man shes murdered, its high melodrama at its steamy best. "The Letter" was nominated for seven Academy Awards, including best picture, best actress, and best director.