Page 1 Consider (03/23)

Scary Stuff: Do you remember Silly Billy, the clown whose father and brother were convicted of molesting dozens of students in a home-run computer class in the documentary "Capturing the Friedmans" but who comes across way creepier than they do? (I ran into Silly at a Taco Bell a few years ago and he definitely knows how to make a Chalupa disappear.) It seems VH1 has hired him to be a judge on its (even creepier) new reality show, "Celebra Cadabra," on which C. Thomas Howell (who has experience making his career disappear), Hal Sparks, Christopher Reid and Carnie Wilson(!) compete to see who can become the best "celebrity clown." There are so many things wrong with this concept that it's liable to be the greatest show ever. (PageSix)

Total Jerkoff: If this is true then I guess I will never have to worry about getting prostate cancer. (PlanetOut)

Wrap It Up: If you're seeking the ideal gift for Father's Day, your search is over. You and your dad can win the opportunity to play tennis with Roger Federer and you don't have to own a world ranking, enter a qualifying tournament or be on a first-name basis with Roger and Mirka to do it. (TennisWeek)

Rectal Exam Lawsuit: A hospital in New York did nothing wrong when it tried to examine the rectum of a construction worker who had been hit on the head by a falling wooden beam, a jury has found. Afterwards they headed over to the Dugout to celebrate their decision. (AP)

Chelsea Girl: The brilliant Rosanne Cash lets us inside her mind while writing a song. (MeasureForMeasure)

Make (Gay) Love, Not War: A senior Senate Democrat said Tuesday that he wants to use a major defense policy bill to expand federal hate-crimes laws to protect gays, bring troops home from Iraq, and force Baghdad to pay more toward reconstruction costs. (AP)

Messed Up: A bank teller pregnant with twins was shot in the stomach during a robbery in Indianapolis Tuesday morning, but both the teller and the fetuses survived the attack, the authorities said. (Could this person be any more deranged?) (AP)

RIP: Werner Groebli, who as Frick of the famous ice-skating comedy team of Frick & Frack, cracked up and wowed audiences for decades with tricks like skating in circles while bent backward at the knees so that his body hovered almost parallel to the ice, died on April 14 in Zurich. He was 92. (NYT)