Page 1 Consider (08/07)

Director's Cut: As painful as it is to watch pretty boy Ben Affleck in front of the camera do we really need him behind it? (AP)

Father Hood: If Swayze says Mel Gibson's a good guy, then it's good enough for me. (EITB)

Ave Maria: In the finals at Carlsbad yesterday, Russia sexpot Maria Sharapova finally got a win over Kim Clijsters, which just reiterates what I've been saying for years. Retire and go start your family, Kim. We've already got one Lindsay Davenport on the circuit and she won't win or go away either. (LAT)

This One's Got Balls: Everyone knows drinking Jack Daniels puts hair on your chest. Just ask Tour de France "winner" Floyd Landis. (NYT)

Roosters Don't Cry: What appears to be a transsexual hen is causing a ruckus in a henhouse in southern Sweden. The hen has grown a rooster comb, tail, and wattle and has been crowing. And the henhouse's resident rooster, Henry VIII, is hopping mad, Swedish media reported on Friday. (Advocate)

Europe's Sticky Situation: Gays and straights masturbate for charity. (PinkNews)