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Rose Bowl: Texas Stuns USC to Win National Title / Sorry, Matt. But it could be worse. Other Trojan failures have resulted in nine-month ordeals for guys like you. (AP)

Home Alone: Calif. Husband, Wife Leave Sons Home Alone / A married couple who got a dog sitter for their puppies but left the man's young children home alone while they vacationed in Las Vegas were arrested Wednesday, police said. / Arrested? When my parents did this I nominated them for Parents of the Year. (AP)

Vote for Something: Lynn Swann to Run for Pa. Governor / The former NFL star has so far revealed little about his political philosophy or the initiatives he would pursue as governor. Sounds like someone is stealing a page out of 3-time New York champ George Pataki's playbook to me. (AP)

Say Watt?: 'Daily Show' Writer Penning Musical About James Watt, Embattled U.S. Interior Secretary / Great. Just what Broadway needs, another musical about an embattled interior secretary. (Playbill)

Must Love Hooker/Gambling Addicts: Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards continue with divorce / I think Denise was re-reading the divorce papers with her two young children sitting at the table with her and she finally noticed that her husband was Charlie Fucking Sheen. Run, woman. Run! (Reuters)

Those Fickle Christians: TV station won't air show featuring Jesus Christ as a supporting character citing viewer complaints. You just can't win with these people. They wanna stick Jesus in your face in school, in government and everywhere, but you try to throw them a bone and put him in a sitcom and this is the thanks producers get? What if he were the lead? (AP)

Pete Knows Best: Townshend warns iPod users: Turn it down / He says kids don't realize that the dirty buggers can cause serious hearing loss. Other notable advice from the legendary Who guitarist: read lots of the kiddie porn. (AP)