Here Comes the Mirror Man

In a new interview with Super Flattering, photographer Elay Neal Moses touches on something I spent much of my 20s and 30s grappling with: When I would meet a guy I found attractive, I was often confused -- did I want to be with him or did I want to be him? 

As a gay man, the line between desire and aspiration could be confusing, especially when I was younger and still figuring out who I was. (I suppose the one advantage of being a breeder is not having to deal with this issue!) 

Moses, who came of age in the internet era, describes having similar feelings while looking at male models on Tumblr: "As a gay man, there's an extra question: do I want to be like him, or do I want him? The line between the two can be pretty blurred." 

Of course, the answer could be both -- think boyfriend twins. But it's a fascinating little insight into the way gay men can experience attraction, admiration and insecurity all at once -- and one I wish I'd heard someone articulate decades ago.

Elsewhere in the interview, Moses touches on another aspect of this phenomenon: how we can adore qualities in other men that we're unable to appreciate in ourselves.

"I've always been drawn to imperfection," he says, before wondering why it's so easy to embrace those qualities in others but so difficult to accept them in himself. (I, myself, am famous for loving a guy with a paunch -- so sexy -- yet hate myself for not having a six pack.) 

I was also struck by Moses's thoughts on aging and the idea that growing older is a privilege. It's something I've become increasingly aware of, especially since losing my big brother, who I'm now four years older than when he died. His cancer ordeal really drove home how lucky the rest of us are to still be here. 

Of course, knowing that intellectually and actually feeling it when you're bombarded with Instahunks 24 hours a day -- that Mark Zuckerberg is on to me -- are two different things. (Why I would be measuring myself against someone young enough to be my grandson in the first place is anyone's guess, although Peter Pan Syndrome is undoubtedly at play)

Maybe the key is learning to appreciate what you have instead of constantly comparing yourself to others, judging yourself against who you used to be or dwelling on who you never were -- as painful as that last one can be.

Read HERE.