Page 1 Consider (03/31)

Basically, It Stinks: The reviews for "Basic Instinct 2" aren't exactly great, but how much worse can it be than seeing Michael Douglas' saggy ass nonstop in the first one? (WP)

Whopper Mania: Does the Houston Chronicle really have a reporter who reviews food from Burger King? "I've got a feeling that both the Tendercrisp and Angus Cheesy Bacon Steak Burger will lose their limited-time-only tags in short order. These are keepers." You just know he has one of those high-pitched fat voices. (HC)

Recuse You: The White House continually does horrible things and then when confronted will flat-out deny it. Is it any surprise that a dick like Antonin Scalia is the same way? (BH)

Mojoless in Miami: Andy Roddick bounced yet again. (TSN)

Splitsville: Former 'Friends' star Matt LeBlanc files for divorce / The marriage lasted two seasons longer than "Joey," but no word on who gets custody of Ed the chimp. (AP)

No 'Mass' Gays: The state's highest court ruled Thursday that same-sex couples from states where gay marriage is prohibited cannot tie the knot in Massachusetts. Gov. Mitt Romney, a Republican who is considering a run for president in 2008, welcomed the decision, saying he did not want Massachusetts to become "the Las Vegas of same-sex marriage." Yet another dick comment, Mitt. (AP)

Cleaning 'House': In an attempt to stop some the reactionary and idiotic moves by the House of Representatives in recent months, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force urged federal lawmakers in Washington yesterday to enact humane immigration policies and reject extreme measures that go so far as to criminalize humanitarian assistance to undocumented immigrants. (GayWired)