Page 1 Consider (01/31)

Sorry 'Bout That: A hapless visitor at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge, England, tripped on his shoelace, tumbled down a flight of stairs and crashed into a group of priceless Qing dynasty Chinese vases, smashing them into smithereens. I can hardly wait to hear the voiceover Bob Saget comes up for this one. (Reuters)

The dominatrix sleeps (at home) tonight. (AP)

Seeing Ay to Ay: Al-Qaida No. 2 (which is apparently the equivlaent of the U.S. bank "vice president") Al-Zawahri Mocks President Bush Over Terrorism War / And we were told that we had nothing in common with Islamic extremists. (AP)

I guess it really does cut like a knife. (Monsters & Critics)

Heading West: With Hope of Catching, Mike Piazza to Join the San Diego Padres. Sorry, Mr. Champion. (NYT)