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No Shit, Dumbass: Bush Says Bin Laden Should Be Taken Seriously / Don't tell me four years after Sept. 11 that Bush finally figured this one out. (NYP)

Father Knows Best: Prosecutors say that the father of an 8-year-old boy who shot another kiddie taught his son how to work a gun. How much you wanna bet he didn't teach the kid how to read a book or table manners? Lock this jackass up. (Washington Post)

Man's Best Friend: I guess it depends on what you mean by friend. (NYT)

Whale of a Mystery: Cause of Actor Chris Penn's Death Unknown. / Gee, I can't imagine. He looked so healthy. (AP)

Freak-Mart: Michael Jackson Spotted Shopping in Robe and Veil / Could you stop being such a fucking freak for two seconds? (AP)

Common Sense Evasion: 'Survivor' Richard Hatch Guilty in Tax Case / Forget about the tax evasion: how sentencing him for being the stupidist person on god's green earth? (AP)