Thursday, February 23, 2006

Schadenfreude for Breakfast

We've all done it. You immediately get that sick feeling in your stomach the second you hit the Send button. You've accidentally sent an e-mail to the wrong person. A friend of mine in California sent me this play-by-play last night. Suddenly that accidental e-mail I sent to my co-worker (whom I affectionately called) Brown Tooth seems so harmless by comparison (God I love shit like this!):

This drunk mess, Jill, who has her own resellership with her live-in boyfriend Scott for us, sent 4 emails out to her first love -- Dru -- telling him how much she still thinks of him and all about the cute house she lives in by the beach now. She sent it to EVERYONE in her address book!!! She even says she got in a small car accident and "i'm drinking to dull the pain..." then something like, "Well I'd better go before this buzz really kicks-in and I get in trouble." LOLOL THEN- shen she realized what she did, she sent an e-mail around claiming someone hacked her YAHOO account, even though she sent these from her work e-mail!!! She said "Scott is on the phone with Yahoo right now trying to figure out what's going on!" And she claims only PART of what was written was not from her?!! LOLOL she is so screwed! Here's her attempt at a cover-up email:

Subject: Please ignore!!!Hi guys,
Someone broke into my Yahoo! Account and sent all these emails out thatwere NOT from me. at least parts. so, please ignore the email you received earlier and beware of those sneaky jerks!!!Thanks, Jill

Subject: Fwd: FW: Whorebitchsays what?
Taylor and another 5 year old here all weekend driving me crazy. We had fun, but they wore me out. Then, I went to go have lunch with my friend today and some jackass hit my car! I attached pictures…but at least I have an excuse to get a new one! I’m thinking an Audi A6, but at least I still have my truck to use in the meantime. There was more frame damage than anything, but it’ll cost more for me to fix it then to get a new car…plus, I’m been over that car since the second month I had it. Just sucks. So, I’m now having some beers to dull the pain. J It’s workin! ....I’m gonna go drink a few more beers and play darts in the garage…take it from me, never play darts barefoot or in flip flops…it’s a bitch when they get stuck in your foot!Anywho, just thought I’d see what’s shakin. I’m gonna go before my buzz really kicks in and gets me in trouble (or bore the hell outta you with my babble).

Hello love! So, it's been raining here, but you know what that means for me...kick ass surf! So, as I was paddling out in Huntington, I started to think about you. Manny just told me that you were over there and a swarm of emotions came to me...scary shit I tell ya!...I actually startedto cry when I thought about you getting hurt and me never being able to tell you so many things that I've wanted to. We've always been pretty honest with eachother and I have to tell you, while writing my book, I realized how much a part of my life you've been, unintentional or not, and yeah, maybe off and on, but regardless of how long it'd been since I'd seen you, we always just picked right up and I've always known that there is you. You were my first everything, especially love. For me to still think about you all of the time, after all of the bullshit, distance and growth, 16 years later, you still have a piece of my heart.

I would love to try to see you soon. It would be the ultimate test for my willpower, but I miss your mug and would love test it. J I’ll be traveling a lot over the next 3 months, but hopefully we can arrange something for after then? I have some pretty big deals and if I can close them, I will finally be able to take time off to write. It’d be sweet, so it’s taking all of my spare time, but will hopefully pay off. Then I booked a cruise for a “team building trip” for my sales gurus and their families to the Bahamas, then another trip to Jamaica in March. After then, things should be more mellow, so let me know a good time for you…I know you’re probably all over the map too. "That is such a LIE! She makes almost NO money! Unless she's using drug money or something. Her reps ALL got this e-mail! I'll bet they're packing for their trips to Jamaica and the Bahamas with their families!!! they've had like one sale in the past 2 weeks!!! (MY FRIEND SAYS SHE ACTUALLY MAKES NO MONEY AND THERE IS NO SUCH TRIP. I SAID THAT IF I WERE THE OTHER EMPLOYEES, I WOULD SHOW UP TO WORK TOMORROW IN HAWAIIAN SHIRTS WITH MY BAGS PACKED AND SAY TO HER, "WHEN DO WE LEAVE FOR THE CARIBBEAN?")

Subject: My apologies
Hello, Just wanted to give you all an update. Yahoo! is investigating the email fraud, I closed that account and wanted to again apologize for that email. Someone has too much time on their hands and will pay for it. I hope this did not effect you negatively and I apologize if it did. Thank you and Sorry for the inconvenience!


  1. Anonymous12:24 PM

    "Darts in the garage" would be a fantastic euphemism for something, don't you think? "I can't believe this chick thinks she can get away with blaming this on Yahoo! That's just so 'darts in the garage.' "


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