Afternoon Headlights (12/13)

Bottom Gun: Since I know a lot of you don't live in New York, I thought I'd fill you in on The Daily New's juicy cover story in which Katie Holmes reveals what turns her "husband" Tom Cruise on. I read it at lunch but let me see if I can remember what was on the list: beautiful smiles; long legs; kissable lips, broad shoulders; oh, and huge schlongs. (NYDN)

Reynolds Rap: Golden Globe nominations were announced today but the only part of the presentation that interested in me was the hunky guy reading them. (NYT)

50 Candles: I'm guessing this is every publicist's nightmare, but in conjunction with AARP Magazine's 50th anniversary they've put together a list of celebrities who are also turning 50 in 2008. On the list -- Ellen Degeneres, Caroline Kennedy, Sharon Stone, Michelle Pfeiffer, Prince, Madonna and Viggo Mortensen. I'll bet there was no fight over who got to be on the cover of this one. (Caroline "won" the honor.) (AARP)

Crazy for You: Madonna got voted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame today. It was her first year eligible and the organization wasted no time in putting her there among rock's greatest. (God knows if she doesn't deserve it then who does?) John Mellencamp, Leonard Cohen, The Dave Clark Five and California surf rock instrumentalists The Ventures are the other inductees for 2008. (NYDN)

Life Is No Cabaret: Usually Liza Minnelli falls off the wagon. This time it sounds like Judy's talented but oh-so-troubled daughter fell off the stage. (AP)

Artificially Big Daddy: Major League Baseball is in the steroid hot seat with the release of the long-awaited Mitchell Report. Right off the bat pitching "legend" slash hunky daddy Roger Clemens' name came flying out (I guess I have a thing for guys on 'roids). Mitchell's report exposes a "serious drug culture within baseball, from top to bottom," fingers MVPs and All-Stars and calls for beefed-up testing by an outside agency to clean up the game. (AP)

Radio Crypt Keeper: Well, Don Imus is back and this time the gays are the nappy-headed ones. I guess the good news is he can't possibility live much longer. (MediaMatters)

Sharp-Dressed Men: Find out who the best-dressed men in Hollywood are. Tennis stud James Blake made the cut. (HIH)

Y'all Hear Me? If I see one more photo of this retard carrying around a fucking frappuccino I'm going to punch someone. (EW)