Page 1 Consider (03/22)

Kick in the Pants: Hunky Patriots Kicker Adam Vinatieri Signs With the Indianpolis Colts / It was so much easier lusting after the dreamy place kicker and Tom Brady on one team. (Reuters)

Deep Thoughts: "Provocative study" says that treating moms' depression may help kids. So true. There's nothing like not being drowned to make a kid feel warm and fuzzy inside. (AP)

TV Land Awards: Alison Arngrim, who played bratty Nellie Oleson on "Little House on the Prairie," and Danielle Spencer, who played petulant Dee Thomas on "What's Happening!!" shared the trophy for Character Most Desperately in Need of a Timeout. "You hate me! You really, really hate me!" exulted Arngrim, before she and Spencer contentiously argued over which character was worse, pretty much proving they deserved the award. (LA Daily News)

Alabama Governor's Race: One candidate has "perfect helmet hair"; one is under federal indictment on racketeering and conspiracy charges; one is the former chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court who became a hero to conservative Christians and drew national attention with his campaign to put a Ten Commandments monument in his courthouse, a drive that led to his being removed from office in 2003; and the incumbent's political career was "deemed over" when he proposed a huge tax cut. In Alabama, they call it "politics unusual." (NYT)

Smoking Gun: I hope they didn't spend too much on this one: Study Finds Smokers often die prematurely (Reuters)

Big Deductions: If you don't have H&R Block to falsify your taxes, here's another idea.

Clucking Idiot: Rabbi David Basri, a prominent Kabbalah preacher, has attributed an outbreak of deadly bird flu in Israel to calls in election campaigns to legalize gay marriages. I thought Esther quit Catholicism to get away from this type of stuff ... (PinkNews)

Bush Talk: In a press conference, the president told reporters: "The enemy has said that it's just a matter of time before the United States loses its nerve and withdraws from Iraq. That is what they have said." The enemy? Would you care to back that up? Who, exactly, said that? (WP)