Page 1 Consider (03/31)

The Gloves Are Coming Off: OK, just so we're clear on this. The only way I'm watching Levi Johnston's new reality show -- which he just happens to be shopping around at the same time Sarah Palin is launching hers -- is if his crystal-meth-dealing mother has a plum role on it. (E!Online)

So Sorry, He Said: A retired U.S. general has apologized for comments this month linking the defeat of Dutch troops by Serb forces at Srebrenica in July 1995 to the presence of openly gay soldiers in the Dutch military. What he meant to say is gay soldiers were responsible for World War II. (Reuters)

Dealey With It: Everyone's in an uproar about Erykah Badu's new video for the song "Window Seat," because she strips as she walks down a Dallas sidewalk before collapsing naked near the spot where John F. Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. Personally, I'm more scandalized by her wrap-free head than her private parts. Talk about going nekkid. (NYDN)

Honey, I'm Homo: Gay and lesbian couples who share a home may identify one another as "husband or wife" on their 2010 census forms if that's how they view their relationship -- even if they have not legally married in any of the places where it is allowed. Nothing like gender stereotypes in same-sex relationships to make you feel like you're accepted in society! (Seattle Times)

He Had a Job to Do: And you thought the gayest thing about "Cambodia" was the Kim Wilde song. (NYT)

Commander in Chic: Is America ready for a gay president? (The Huffington Post)

Foul Balls?: The feds questioned "Celebrity Rehab" grad and soon-to-be sex tape star Mindy McCready to find out if her former lover Roger Clemens ever struck out in the sack, hoping to show a correlation between his libido and his use of performance-enhancing drugs. You may recall the married-with-children pitcher began a "friendship" with the country singer when she was 15. (NYDN)

Maryland Crab: Don H. Dwyer Jr., a Republican member of the Maryland House of Delegates, plans to bring impeachment charges on the House floor on Wednesday against the state’s attorney general, Douglas F. Gansler. The reason? Gansler issued a legal opinion last month saying the state would recognize same-sex marriages from other places and ordering state agencies to give gay married couples the same rights as heterosexual couples. (NYT)

Capital Gains: Marriage applications have skyrocketed since the District of Columbia started issuing licenses for same-sex couples this month, with droves of gay partners expected to relocate to the city from states where they can't tie the knot. (Wash Examiner) Meanwhile, all of these potential newlyweds have divorce lawyers champing at the bit. (Wash Examiner)

Where Is the Love?: Not the kindest review for "Just Say Love," a film version of a stage play by David J. Mauriello. (NYT)

This Time Together: I'd read Carol Burnett's new memoir -- and thanks to my newfound unemployed status, I may even have time: If the wholesomeness of “The Carol Burnett Show” seems out of step with the wry attitude of contemporary comedy, Burnett said she was glad to have lived in an era when her upbeat sensibility prevailed, and appreciative now to see clips of the program turn up on YouTube, even in bootleg form. “That was the time for me, and I’m grateful for that,” she said. “We all get to be a certain age, and we all die. Well, I would rather be where I am now than starting out now.” (NYT)

Pricey Beard: James Van Der Beek has $7,750 a month to be doling out in spousal support? (TMZ)

Fait Accompli: Here's hoping Chaz Bono finds all the happiness in the world in his new (and complete) life. (TMZ)