Page 1 Consider (12/02)

Sally Struthers' Shame: NCAA Calls for Investigation Into Correspondence School (NYT)

Don't Matter if You're Black or White (As Long As You're White): The mother of two of Michael Jackson's kids, Debbie Rowe, is telling reporters that Jackson's sperm was not used in conceiving Prince and Paris. Gee, you money-grubbing whore, thanks for the lesson in biology. I thought a black man could father two Caucasian children. (The Scoop)

Death Becomes Him: Stanley Tookie Williams says he's prepared for death but hoping for life / Yes, I'm sure your victims were hoping for life, too, but you didn't care about them, did you? Where was the mercy for Albert Owens, a 26-year-old convenience store worker? And for motel owners Yen-I Yang, 76; Tsai-Shai Yang, 63; and their daughter Yee-Chen Lin, 43? Just because you have celebrity friends now does not make you above the law. A jury of your peers decided your sentence long ago, and now it's time to face it. (SFGate.com)

Principal Big Mouth: A gay student in Garden Grove, Calif., who was outed to her parents by her principal will be allowed to proceed with her lawsuit over privacy / Who would think that the school's principal big mouth is the school principal? (NYT)

98 IQ: That "classy" chick who sold her story to the tabloids about how she made out with Nick Lachey a few weeks ago now says she has "a few regrets." Um. I read the story, and the only regret you should have is not doing the guy. Are you a retard? (Miami Herald)

Lies, Damn Lies and ... : The White House Stretching and Straining for Numbers That Uplift (NYT)

Queer Eye for the NFL 2

Forget everything I said about how odd it was that football fans are so obsessed with Jake "The Snake" Plummer's mustache — I guess I'm just out of the loop.

Apparently, sports fans/bloggers are the new style mavens.

This week's project? Chicago Bears quarterback Kyle Orton. It seems those manly Bear-lovers don't like the way his beard looks, so they've started yet another petition to get Orton to change it. (There's just not a lot of time for a girlfriend when you have all of these jocks to groom, is there, guys? And I thought bears liked 'em extra hairy.)

Once again, Deadspin steps right up to the makeover plate to put the whole issue into persepctive (To Beard, or Not To Beard?).

But live and let live. And it's like they say: if you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.

Sign the "Shave Kyle Orton's Neckbeard petition"

World AIDS Day

We haven't forgotten you, Walter.

Manhattan Murder Mystery

Forget about Scott, Laci and Amber. Manhattan's got a real murder/love triangle now, and it's far more interesting than a pregnant Modesto housewife and her chubby fertilizer salesman husband.

Catherine Woods, a beautiful 21-year-old classically trained dancer, was brutally murdered in her Upper East Side apartment on Sunday night. Her family back in Columbus, Ohio, knew she had moved here with her longtime sweetheart/maybe fiance David Haughn (a baby-faced wannabe rap star who goes by the name City!) to pursue her dreams of dancing on Broadway. What they didn't know was that she was indeed "dancing" all over New York City — at upscale strip clubs. Her topless days (as "Ava") began at Privilege and before moving to Flash Dancers on Broadway (which any of my old co-workers and I can tell you has the best pizza in town).

In addition to questioning her live-in lover, police are now looking into her stormy on-again, off-again relationship with a hunky personal trainer named Paul Vincent Cortez, who is the singer of a band called Stillwater. Cortez was reportedly "distraught" over a girl recently, according to co-workers (mmm mmm, I'll bet he was).

Alert Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, Brian Austin Green and Anthony Michael Hall's agents pronto — this has made-for-TV movie written all over it. And make sure that "Sixteen Candles" dude is on the 'roids again.

Read: Slain Ohio stripper had told parents she was in off-Broadway show (AP)
Read: Dead dancer had two partners (NY Daily News)

Page 1 Consider (12/01)

More like 'prominent forehead': Who knew it would only take Kenneth in the (212) three months to become a "prominent gay blogger" — well, that is if you believe the kids over at Nick Denton's formulaic Brit-snark "blog empire" (Deadspin)

But he's so sweet, now: California Supreme Court Refuses to Block Execution of Crips Founder Stanley Tookie Williams / even though he's not killing people at this very moment. (AP)

The FedEx-Kinko's Offensive: I love how President Bush thinks if he gets a catchy slogan ("Plan for Victory") and then laminates colorful little booklets with this slogan on it (a 35-page White House document titled "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq") , it will make his disaster of a war seem more palpable. Of course, I guess it's better than the old slogan, "Mission Accomplished!"(too ambiguous) and its accompanying document, "Smear the Queer Whose Wife Has to Get Him Work." (AP)

Part of 'The Plan'?: U.S. Is Said to Pay to Plant Articles in Iraq Papers / When they saw the Armstrong Williams, Fallujah Bureau Chief byline, they should have suspected something was up (NYT)

Take that, LC!: Laguna Beach Kristin to host reality show with Buffy stud Ethan Erickson (NY Daily News)

Pays to Suck: Julia Roberts tops list of high-paid actresses / On the list at No. 10 is Jennifer Aniston, who commands $9 million per film. Who knew straight-to-video movies paid so well? (Reuters)

Bosom Buddy: Actress Wendie Jo Sperber dies / What a sweetheart. We miss you already. (AP)

Aussie Rules: Martina Hingis to get wildcard into next month's Australian Open (Sportal.com.au)

Details, Straight Up

Nick Lachey strikes a pose for Details,

which is not a "gay magazine" (via JustJared)