Wednesday, June 19, 2024

‘Heart♥throb’: Young Girls Seek Men to Pay Their Bills

Came across this commercial for the late '80s board game "Heart♥throb" on social media the other day and couldn't believe what mercenaries these little bitches are!  (At least gay boys only care about hot bodies.) 

 You almost have to admire Milton Bradley for not sugar-coating the purpose of heterosexual relationships. 

Idle Remorse has a full review of the delightfully shallow scheme, but here are my picks:

I'm thinking I should probably marry Jeff -- he's boyfriend cute and clearly we have a lot in common(!) -- and then just f**k Chip ...

and Randy ...

and Brad and Patrick (and at least make out with Matt)

Fingers crossed that none of my guys are the one who "chews tobacco"(!) -- but I’d definitely like to be gal pals with the boy who "cuts class to watch his stories." (I'm looking at you, Ricky.) 

For an update featuring the Trivago guy and Chris Evans, keep reading BELOW.

A reader reminded me that this was an update of the old "Mystery Date" game of the mid-1960s (also by Milton Bradley), the object of which was "to acquire a desirable date, while avoiding the 'dud.'" I was curious what the eligibles looked like back then, and came up with this bunch:

The perfect date at the beach

The perfect date for skiing

The perfect prom date

The perfect date for bowling

The "dud"

And discovered it was none other than my longtime literary-agent friend, Christopher Schelling, who noticed the "dud" had a certain charm of his own! 

Wikipedia then informed me that the 1999 version of the game includes an "electronic talking phone" to chat with the dates.

 Future "Captain America" actor Chris Evans is on the box using the phone as "Tyler" (the "beach" date).

The 2005 version doesn't include a phone, replaces “the dud” with “the nerd” and eliminates any and all sense of fashion sense. 


Jack said...

This was a remake of Mystery Date. The cards of the "dates" were hidden behind a plastic door. As the jingle went: "Mystery Date! Are you ready for your Mystery Date? Don't be late! Open the door --to your-- Mystery Date!" YouTube has the original commercial. There's a bear version, too!

Billdp said...

"Kurt" looks like Kirk Cameron.