I've been really tickled since discovering this in a box of old papers, which ironically came the day after I'd been admiring a bitchy letter written by Frank Sinatra (and the way Mike Royko responded).
After marveling at my pen pal's craftsmanship, I immediately looked up Darren -- with whom I have had no contact since receiving this gem of a (dis)missive -- and sent him a photo of it with the note:
Merry Christmas, Darren! 🎄
I then took great delight in sharing it with virtually everyone I know, garnering responses such as:
"What did you do to Darren?! With that Best Western stationery I wasn’t sure if he’d offed himself after the trauma.""What did you say back in 1991??""I need to hear every goddamn detail about that day. And what came after!!!"
Sadly the funniest part of this story is how comically proud I am to have received the letter -- and that I have it decades later.
Essentially I have been known to get frustrated with myself on the tennis court -- so might scream at myself when I miss a shot -- and apparently Darren couldn't differentiate between my attacking him versus self-hatred. (Did anyone actually think John McEnroe was berating his opponents???)
Still, I'm content with the way things turned out -- I'm nothing if not self-aware enough to know that I'm not for everyone -- and think a friend put it best when she said:
It sounds like Darren had just started therapy when he wrote that.
Game, set, bitch!
UPDATE: Just received this from a pal in San Diego!
He goes on to say: it's mostly funny to me because it sounds like something I would do as a Virgo, to be unnecessarily formal 😅
UPDATE 2:
With thanks to a sleuth-y reader, who tells me Darren has had a whopping nine run-ins with the law, including this. What were the odds that someone who would compose a letter like that would go on to be charged with making a "threat over phone"? (LOL) Sounds like I got off easy!
A friend responds to the latest revelation!
Juicy! I was talking to Wendy Williams. She thinks there’s a good expose special in this story. She (what’s left of her team) are tracking down Darren right now.
ReplyDeleteSomething happened in 1991. Something dark.
#TeamDarren
#JusticeForDarren
#NudesOfDarren?
Excellent! I'm wondering how Darren managed a typewritten response on hotel stationery. Did he travel with his typewriter, or did he steal the stationery?
ReplyDeleteI hope your response was simply:
ReplyDelete*too*, Darren.
🤣 I was thinking the same thing.
DeleteMy father-in-law sent his mother a letter calling her the C-word. He was promptly dis-inherited, and now we live in squalor (with a Heavenly Bed and four dogs; but, still . . .!)
ReplyDeleteit's mostly funny to me because it sounds like something I would do as a Virgo, to be unnecessarily formal 😅
ReplyDeleteIf the guy was taking stationery from a Best Western and using it for personal correspondence, he clearly had issues beyond understanding the difference between “to” and “too.”
ReplyDeleteDamn I was hoping there was more penis involved in the story. 😂
ReplyDeleteI miss the IBM selectric
ReplyDelete